For a born werewolf, the full moon would bring nature into balance. A night filled with fun, games and satiation of all senses.

For a newly bitten werewolf, that very same bloom in the night sky would bring chaos, pain and often, especially for females, death.

I stared out through the floor-to-ceiling windows in the hallway just next to the guest suite and let the iridescent glow bathe me, soothe me, wash me of my sins.

You wish, my beastly darker half grunted, not so much in words as in scalding attitude.

Cynical bitch.

By the sounds coming from inside the room next to me, I knew that the worst of my sins was, in fact, wishing me dead this very moment.

I hoped Ruby would forgive me at some point so she could see that happen—my death, that was—when we were both into our two-hundreds and speckled gray old gals. We could die together, on the same day even, so we’d never have to feel the loss of one another’s presence.

That was how I’d always envisioned best friends, found sisters, would live and die.

Never having had one in my life, I obviously got some things wrong.

For one, she was human…or had been less than three days ago, incompatible with my very—death to anyone human who knew—secret werewolf existence.

Two, before now, she had no idea that werewolves existed, because, well, as mentioned, it was immediate death to humans who knew that monsters of lore were, in fact, real.

Three, she was about to become one herself, which would likely kill her.

So yeah, best friends forever—but only if she survived the night. After that, I’d be grateful if she didn’t hate me for more than a handful of decades.

With my bite, a powerful, werebeast alpha’s bite, my best friend, my now pack-mate Ruby’s transformation could go either way. I didn’t know enough about how my werebeast bite would take to a female human. As far as I knew, it had only happened thousands of years ago when female warriors built armies of werebeasts like her, but those days had died long before I’d been born—so long ago, in fact, that their existence had been wiped from our shared history by the patriarchal alphas who ruled the clans today.

There was no current proof that what I’d done to Ruby in an effort to save her life would work out in a positive way. My beastly instincts said differently, maddeningly confident that this, too, would pass, that Ruby would rise and be stronger than she’d ever been as a human, a worthy and formidable soldier in my ever-growing army.

I could only hope for the best and put what little faith I had that my ancient beastly awareness knew what we were doing.

Ruby would only growl through gritted teeth whenever I entered her room, a lash of fury that stung me through the bond my bite had created. She had made it very clear that I’d ruined her life.

She wasn’t wrong.

Which was why I hadn’t been up to visit all day. Like a coward, I’d been preoccupying myself with other things.

I sighed deeply then pulled myself away from the call of the night. Johnny and Levi, my devoted mates, were blowing off steam in the sprawling forest outside the mansion, expecting me to join them for a full moon fuc—

The door beside me opened. Lex, Ruby’s ever-present guard wolf, stepped outside of the room, pulling my attention out of my completely inappropriate lusty thoughts. I knew my cheeks were ruddy as I turned to greet him.

“How is she?” It was a silly question, considering I could open the threads connecting me to Ruby and feel her mood for myself, but I asked anyway, because I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to feel the crushing disappointment and loathing Ruby had for me.

Like I said…coward.

Lex gave me a look that made things as clear as the night sky.

Things are not good.

“She’s still fighting the shift”—Lex ran his hand over the back of his neck, making it look like he was the one going through a painful transition as he gritted his teeth around his next word—“somehow.”

We both knew that Ruby fighting the shift would only lead to bad things.

More pain.

Mental anguish.

Delayed transformation would mean, like tectonic plates shifting, the pressure would build up inside Ruby and the shift would come suddenly, against her will and with devastating consequences.

Broken bones.

Lots of blood.

Death.

Or worse, for Ruby and for all of us, she could turn feral in the most horrific, wild, uncontrollable ways. There was no coming back from that kind of break from reality. She’d give in to every base instinct and would ultimately put the secret world we’d lived in for centuries at risk of exposure. It was a death sentence to her, no matter what.

“Stubborn.” Was an understatement when it came to what Ruby was doing. “How does she even have the strength left?” It was a marvel, a true example of what a remarkable human Ruby was, that she was even conscious right now. The fact that she’d spent the last twelve hours punishing herself, working against the change as the full moon crested the clear night sky.

“I think she’s running on pure hate right now.” Lex laughed as he said that, like his words weren’t a slap to my face. “She tried to bite Ari when he suggested she was wasting her time fighting the inevitable, that she should just accept her blessing.” Lex rolled his eyes. “Not what she wanted to hear…considering…”

“What idiot told her she wouldn’t be able to have kids now, anyway?” I snapped then regretted it immediately. “Sorry.” I closed my eyes as Ruby groaned in the next room. “It’s not your fault, any of you. I did this to her.”

“Hey,” Lex said as he took me off guard and laid his hands on my shoulders, a gesture that was a huge no-no for any subordinate to an alpha but one that I didn’t mind. His lopsided smile was enough to hijack any antiquated werewolf protocols.

Besides, I wasn’t the usual kind of alpha.

And I wasn’t Lex’s alpha. Not yet anyway.

“You saved her life.” His smile faded enough to tell me that he believed his own words. “Without your bite, she’d be dead right now. It is a blessing.”

“She doesn’t see it that way.” I’d taken the one thing away from Ruby that she’s desired more than anything else, a chance to have her own children one day.

Never mind that it hadn’t been me who had bitten her the first time. That lovely gift had been from her ex, a man who went after what he thought was a coyote with a pipe only to find out that werewolves didn’t back down from humans…ever.

Jared’s fang scratch to Ruby’s thumb, a wound that might have gone unnoticed if I hadn’t been paying attention to her discomfort, would have killed her within a day. He’d been too newly formed, too weak to successfully bite another human, but he’d been crazed, confused and had attacked her without realizing what he was doing was irreversible. Ruby wouldn’t have made it to the full moon, three days after her initial bite.

According to her, Ruby would have taken death over what was happening to her now. To her, oblivion was a safer choice than becoming one of us. Again, not something I blamed her for. There’d been times in my life that I’d wished I’d never been born a werewolf.

“No one told her, by the way,” Lex said, his voice void of all humor, “about the babies.”

I should have told her. I should have been the one to explain everything to her. I’d bitten her, stabilized her, she’d woken up and had been coherent. I could have told her.

“Levi explained what would happen to her body,” Lex continued.

I held my hand up for him to stop. I knew the rest.

She’d figured it out.

Of course, she had. Ruby was whip smart and cut through the crap better than anyone I’d ever known.

Levi would have told her that her organs were going to die, some she’d expel, which was why transformation was so painful and deadly. Some would shift into something else, organs more powerful and able to handle the demands of a werewolf. Systems would no longer function the way they used to. They’d improve efficiently and handle hormones and chemicals differently. He would have told her that she would become immune to most diseases, that she wouldn’t get viruses, that she wouldn’t grow cells that were foreign to her body, no cancer…no warts, no other things.

She would have known immediately what that meant.

No possibilities of having babies of her own.

“The guys and I were talking,” Lex said, plowing through my silence. “We think you need to do your mind meld thing. Make the transition happen.”

“Against her wishes.” I’d already bitten her without consent. Like Lex said, I’d done it to save her life. I’d gone on instinct and had allowed my beast side to take control, mark Ruby, end her suffering by delivering her to the prison she now found herself in.

A newly turned werewolf. A rare female in a male-dominated world…bitten and barren.

Lex was right, though. No matter how hard Ruby fought, the change would come, with or without her sanity intact. I had the ability to ease her pain and lower her guard enough to let the shift happen.

I closed my eyes, let my shoulders drop, sucked in a deep breath then nodded. I’d already ruined her life beyond repair. Might as well go for a homerun and force her to survive what Jared…what I, had done to her.

Lex opened the door to the sounds of agony. Ruby was whimpering, begging without words for someone to put her out of her misery. It sounded like a wounded animal trapped in claws of steel.

I couldn’t see her yet, standing just outside her room, but I could feel her despair. It was more than pain. It was heartbreak and grief. She’d lost her life and everything she’d loved. There was no going back to family, to friends. I deserved to know the depths of her anguish.

I shook off my fear, straightened my spine, held my head high like an alpha should, then swept into the room, pulsing calm vibes down the thread that tied Ruby to me and opened myself up to the full force of her pain. It took everything in me to stay on my feet, to endure the anger, sorrow and physical agony of her fight.

As soon as she came into view, I froze, swaying on my feet. Ruby, while still mostly human, looked like a wild thing on all fours, covered in sweat, hair sprouting in ways that looked unnatural and incomplete. Her eyes, now locked on mine, were blazing with werewolf intensity.

Normally warm brown, they shone bronze with a glint that promised reckoning. I didn’t need an open thread between us to feel the depth of her fury.

“You!” she growled, spit flying from her lips. “You did this to me!” Her words were garbled as fangs got in the way of her tongue.

“Ruby—”

She lurched toward me, swiping her hand like she had claws. Before she could get within reach, she screamed, her neck distorting as it lengthened, her spine popping so loud that we all felt it. A sympathetic groan ran through the room. She fell in a heap, sobbing.

“Make it stop,” she begged, clawing at her torso. The fabric of her hospital gown torn where her budding claws had raked. She rolled onto her back, arching through the pain as it racked her.

I didn’t have to look at the guys to know what they thought.

I moved to Ruby cautiously, opening the thread that connected us wider so I could ease my essence toward her, giving her peace, sedation for her brain.

She stopped writhing and gouging at her body. Her arms fell limp across her stomach.

“Ruby, it’s just going to happen, okay?” I got within her reach, but she didn’t lash out again, instead, her eyes dull, she stared, unblinking at the ceiling.

“Let me help you.” I lowered myself next to her slowly, like I was working with a wild animal, a wolf in pain. Not that I was afraid she’d hurt me… Whatever she decided to do to my flesh, I deserved it.

I needed some sign of consent.

I wanted to give her a lot of time to stop me. To say no.

I ran my fingers through her hair, brushing what was left of her bangs from her distorted forehead. “Please, Rubes, let me help you through this.”

She groaned as another ripple ran through her body, tension making her muscles pop and her veins darken. A drawn-out minute passed before she curled in on herself as best as she could, rolling to the side, tears running down her cheeks where fur was trying to push out of her pores.

I slipped my other hand under her head and eased her weight onto my lap. She let me hold her like that, and it gave me some comfort. I sent soothing pulses through our link, giving her instant relief so that her gritted teeth were the only lingering sign that another spasm was rocking down her spine.

“I’m sorry, Ruby,” I croaked, tears burning the backs of my eyes. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

She shifted her gaze to the side, locking with mine, her shuddering subsiding to small shivers. I pulsed more of my essence, my will, into her. Be calm, my friend. Let the fight go.

Her body went limp, but she managed to turn her head so she was staring full on at me.

“I will never forgive you for this, Charlie.” She licked her lips, snagging her tongue on her fangs as she did, blood spurting from a new wound, coating her teeth. “Never.”

My heart, already in shreds, fell apart for good. “I know, Rubes,” I whispered. “I wish it were different.”

“I wish I’d never met you,” she breathed.

With a body shaking exhale, she transformed, the last of her physical humanity shifting away as she became the wolf she was meant to be—brown fur, so soft to the touch that it set her apart from the males I knew, rippling muscles down her flank, long legs, elegant paws with tuffs of tawny fur between her toes. Her muzzle was sleek, marked by freckles, just like she had as a human, her lashes thick and her whiskers black. She was beautiful…stunning in only the way a female werewolf could be.

My heart swelled and pride cascaded along our bond. She’d done it, come through unscathed.

In one delusional moment, I thought that the physical transformation might have jolted her back to her old self. I wished that was the case, anyway. A future without Ruby’s friendship was devastating.

By the way she pushed apart from me—standing on all fours, inches from my face, muzzle down and scrunched, lips up, fangs gleaming and bronze eyes holding the same knowing, the same conviction as before her shift—I knew…

As far as Ruby was concerned, I was her enemy.